Monday, 21 May 2012

Five Sentence Fiction: Foggy

Okay, so I don't write... I enjoy writing but I don't think much of the results of my endeavours. However, I thought I'd give this 'Five Sentence Fiction' thing a go.

This 'tag' or writing exercise was created by Lillie McFerrin (http://lilliemcferrin.blogspot.co.uk/). Every week she chooses a word and you write a short five sentence piece related to that word.

She says:
"Five Sentence Fiction is about packing a powerful punch in a tiny fist. Each week I will post a one word inspiration, then anyone wishing to participate will write a five sentence story based on the prompt word. The word does not have to appear in your five sentences, just use it for direction."

So here goes my first attempt!


--
“So Sophie’s acting up again, you’d think she was sixteen; honestly kids are growing up too fast nowadays...anyway, so what did you think of the meal?” said her daughter.

She held her husband’s hand, concentrating on the deep crevices and wrinkles, only half listening as they chattered away about the children and school.

“Mum, you even listening?”

“Clara darling, did you enjoy the meal?” his soft words interrupted her thoughts and his thumb tenderly stroked her palm as her grip tightened, but at the sound of her name her hand jerked away.

She turned to her husband, the devotion in his eyes trying to fight back the fear and confusion in hers.
--

8 comments:

  1. This makes me think about their relationship, and wonder what's going on in her mind... I like his thumb softly stroking her palm, as if to keep her calm. Nice piece for a first try!

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  2. Don't be so hard on yourself. You have a great sense of dialoge and description. Keep writing. I enjoyed what you posted here. Nice work.

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    1. Thanks so much, I will keep writing...I enjoy doing it and with practice I should get better!

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  3. Hi Bekah, I just posted my 5SF story so I'm having an opportunity to read everyone else's. Looks like you and I had similar concepts but yours is beautifully realized through the emotional tugging of a husband and wife relationship that has is changing to that of caregiver and patient.

    I really, really enjoyed this and look forward to reading more of your work! And P.S. , although I don't usually like blogs with dark backgrounds and light writing, yours is great! Well done!

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    1. I loved your piece!
      Thank you so much. I was going to change the light against dark to dark against light but I couldn't make it look like I wanted... So I figured I'd stick with what I like, I hope it doesn't make it too difficult to read!

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  4. I agree. Your dialogue is well done and I do so enjoy the rumble of underlining emotions going on in this scene. It's vivid and well thought out. Great work and wonderful first offering!

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  5. I love the image here of the couple relationship being such a lasting tie, though confusion is beginning to seep in. Wonderful writing and dialogue. A great moment captured. Bravo!

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  6. I'm amazed at how well you protrayed this in such a short space. It's a full story of their lives and possible sadnesses to come. Thanks so much for joining in on FSF and sharing your writing with us!! Awesome job :)

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